blog inspired: validate yourself.
Writing about self-esteem, and self-worth is a huge passion of mine because I realized early on that if I wanted to live my happiest life the person I had to check most was myself. Looking in the mirror at the true you isn’t easy; but blaming, pointing the finger at others and holding others responsible to fix our brokenness has hit an all time crisis level. The problem with holding others responsible for our happiness is that its a sure road to consistent disappointment. This post is inspired by Organic Vixen Beauty and my response is about choosing happiness…
Many of us know what it’s like to grow up with negativity but not too many of us are aware of its lingering affects on the choices we make with our lives. What I’ve discovered through my own self awareness is that negativity is an addiction and it is our choice to feed it. The word “choice” is associated more with daily mundane things and less with affirming emotional goodness. Its a word way more powerful than we give it credit for.
I am no longer afraid to admit that feeding into familiar patterns of negativity kept me from being accountable for my own life. Negativity is omnipresent; and therefore easier to choose for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And you can eat it with family and friends over drinks. Choosing negativity is a cushy feeling because you will always find people to support your unhappiness. Always. When you choose happiness however your life becomes a road less traveled. Happiness is threatening to others. Period. And club misery doesn’t like to lose its members.
Negativity with family is a trick bag because we crave closeness from people who are often struggling with their own low self-worth and esteem. But we can’t seek validation and nurturing from people who are painfully unaware of their toxic state and we certainly can’t want fuel from people who are living off fumes. We must recognize when other people aren’t happy and living their own best life; they are highly contagious. They cannot give us what they don’t have; and quite honestly it isn’t their job.
In this life I thank God that we have the power of to choose. I used to feel guilty in giving certain family members and friends a wide berth; but I realized that my guilt to people who were not good for me was connected to obligation. Obligation leads to resentment and resentment leads bitterness and bitterness leads to all kinds of toxic. And when you’re toxic your stuck. In cement. When your stuck your life feels confusing, uneventful, and lost. Wash, rinse, repeat; it becomes cyclical and compounded.
The truth of the matter is that unconditional love, nurturing and validation only comes from one place: the God of your understanding or the spiritual highway you travel on. Nowhere else.